


Oh Dear

by JaneSkylark



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 14:46:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15932618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneSkylark/pseuds/JaneSkylark
Summary: HP: Patronus’ change, chaos ensues. Follows Lily as she manages her patronus through different stages in her life. One-shot.





	Oh Dear

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!

_1980_

Lily sat staring intently at the creature. She knew what it was, recognized it immediately but she couldn’t quite wrap her head around why she was seeing it. Why she was seeing it and not another that should be there in its place. Another that she had seen many, many times before…actually for years now in fact.

Regardless, it was beautiful. Small, light in color with big, bright eyes staring back at her blinking. It took three small steps away from her before descending up in the air in a silvery wisp before disappearing.

She smiled as she realized the relevance and whispered to herself in awe, “Oh dear.”

The front door slamming broke her from her thoughts and she stood from the kitchen table.

“Ah bugger!” James exclaimed as he knelt to pick up the spare broomsticks he had knocked over while entering the cottage. He picked up the remaining broomsticks and shoved them haphazardly into the closet before removing his cloak.

Lily poked her head around the corner. “You’re home!”

James jumped and gave her a perplexed look as she startled him. “Yes, I’m here but what are you doing here?” He came around to her and tucked a spare piece of her red hair behind her ear before giving her a quick kiss. “I thought you were going to let me know when you got back from London.”

Lily nodded as she replied, “Yes! Yes, I was.” She looked away from him as she lied, “I forgot.”

James brow furrowed. “Oh.” He stared intently at her before nodding his head and heading past her into the kitchen before he shrugged off the mild concern. It wasn’t like Lily to forget something he had asked her to do. “Well no worries. How was Emmeline?” He started a kettle on the stove and then went to the cupboard to pull down a tea cup. He turned to her with the cup in hand as a silent question if she wanted one. Lily nodded and he pulled down a second cup.

“She’s well!”

“Good, I’m glad.”

Lily opened her mouth to speak as she watched James fussing with the kettle and tea bags.  “Well I have some news.”

“Oh?” James asked.

“Well I can’t be sure but I reckon there’s a possibility I’m leaving you.”

\--

_1977_

Lily sat in the common room poring over books. Her hair sat in a red mess atop her head and she had several scrolls stretched out across multiple tables.

“Oi Evans! How about letting some other people use the tables,” Sirius exclaimed as he and James walked up to her after entering from the portrait.

Remus and Peter sat nearby as they played chess. Peter balanced the board on his knees as he looked over at her, gave her a disgruntled look and then agreed, “Yeah, how about that. Novel concept, sharing.”

Lily shrugged at him. “Sorry, need the space.”

“What is all of this?” James asked as he sat next to her and picked up a book and read the title, “One Thousand Two Hundred and Fifty-Three Uses for a Patronus.”

Lily grabbed the book from his hand exasperated and set it back down. “Project.”

Peter looked up startled. “I don’t remember any report on Patronuses due. What class?”

Remus sighed, “Not one of ours. Pay attention to the board.” Peter looked back down and watched as Remus’ knight took out another of Peter’s bishops.” Peter grimaced.

James looked confused as well, “Is this for McGonagall? Extra credit or something?”

“Hmpf!” Lily made a shocked sound…as if she needed extra credit she thought and shook her head. She sighed again but James noticed how she wouldn’t quite meet his eye. “It’s not for school it’s just extra research for myself.”

“Swot,” Sirius mumbled under his breath as he propped up his legs on the table and leaned back as he threw a snitch in the air and caught it. “Well what more are you interested in? You didn’t have any problem conjuring one in fifth.”

Lily grimaced as she thought back to fifth year. Not having a problem wasn’t the way Lily remembered it but she chose not to argue with him. She stood and started gathering her things as she became more frustrated. “I know that, this is just…just extra!” Sirius laughed at her and shook his head as she made her way to the girl’s stair case.

She was back in her room but could still hear the boy’s laughter downstairs. She dumped her papers on her bed and sat down to continue studying.

She took out her old notes from fifth year and read over the line she had stumbled upon just as James and Sirius interrupted her. _Some wizards have noted that the shape of their patronus changed after significant life events._   The only problem was that Lily hadn’t had any significant life event though her patronus had most definitely changed. It also didn’t mention what specific life events were needed. Ruddy notes, she thought.

\--

_1975_

“The Patronus is one the most famous defensive charms and can be used in a multitude of different circumstances. A successful charm will produce a silvery-white guardian or protector, which only takes the form of an animal,” Professor McGonagall explained. “We will all be working on this over the coming weeks.” She walked up and down the aisles as she lectured. “I don’t want anyone to get discouraged. Many wizards and witches aren’t able to cast a successful patronus and for some it takes years and years to perfect. This is only to get you started.” McGonagall watched as James and Sirius threw a snitch back and forth to one another. “I’m sure there will be several students unable to perform it.” She grabbed the snitch from the air then placing it in her pocket as she made her way back to the front and started drawing the wand movements on the board.

Lily was taking notes when a small bit of parchment landed in front of her. _You + Me = Hogsmeade?_ Then there were tiny little lips that stuck out kissing one another over and over again as they danced along the page.

Lily smirked and then threw a quick note back to James. _I would go to Hogsmeade with a hippogriff before you. Do you know any that are available?_

She heard Sirius snort and her grin widened. She turned back and caught James’ gaze then he winked at her.

\--

_1980_

“Pardon?” James didn’t take Lily’s claim very seriously as he continued brewing the tea.

Lily cleared her throat dramatically, “I said I reckon there’s a possibility I’m leaving you.”

James smirked, “You’re leaving me for Shunpike is that it?” He brought the tea cups over and sat next to her as he took her hand in his and threaded his fingers through hers. “Can’t say I’m surprised the Knight Bus is rather cozy. Do you think you’ll start driving it as well? Best let Stan know that you’re a terrible flier as I’m sure driving and flying aren’t that much different.”

Lily laughed and shook her head at him. “First, I’m not a terrible flier or driver. And second…no, not because of Stan although I wonder how much the Knight Bus pays. It’s always handy for a witch to have options.” She winked at him.

James grinned back at her. “Well I suppose I can’t be too surprised you’d run off. Always knew I was too lucky to get the most brilliant witch at Hogwarts.” James leaned over and kissed her.

She grabbed his collar as he started to pull away and deepened the kiss.  She ran her hands through his hair as he wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer.

\--

_1977_

“You know my patronus is pretty good. If you want any help on it,” James offered.  

Lily was quiet. “Hmm?” She wasn’t really listening to him to be honest and hadn’t been for most of the evening. James could tell.

He ran his hand through his hair as he repeated, “I can help with your patronus if you need it. Are you not able to conjure it anymore?”

Lily shook her head to say she didn’t need help and then cocked it to one side. She noticed that he wasn’t looking at her and almost seemed a little nervous. It wasn’t completely unexpected to see him like this. As Lily and James had started seventh year as Heads she had noticed a marked change in him. Gone were the pranks of his youth and the silly declarations of love. In its place was a quieter more subdued James. More adult and less lad. He often seemed more nervous around her now. Sometimes it was rather sweet to see him this way and she would blush along with him.

“Pass the pumpkin juice? Will you Lil?” Emmeline asked breaking Lily from her thoughts.

Lily went to pass the juice as she answered James, “I can still conjure it.  That’s not why I’m studying it.”

She didn’t feel like elaborating anymore but Emmeline added, “But it changed right?” Lily turned her head to Emmeline. “That’s what you said the other day. That it had changed.”

It wasn’t something that Lily wanted to discuss so openly and she found she was glad she hadn’t told Emmeline what it had changed to lest Emmeline divulged that as well. She would just change the subject and move on from this. “So, potions exam tomorrow…”

“What did it change to?” Peter interrupted. Figures she thought.

“That’s what all the research is for?” James asked as he elbowed Sirius in the side as Sirius grabbed a roll off his plate and took a bite.

“Ugh...” She looked at James but ignored his question.

Remus chimed in as well, “That’s really interesting. I’m not sure any else has mentioned their patronus changing but I suppose it makes sense. We were all pretty young then.”

“Wait, so you think age could be a factor?” Lily asked facing him.

Remus shrugged, “Not sure. Did you find anything in the books about it?”

“Nothing about age or at least nothing yet. Only that life events can sometimes affect it. I do have one theory though. My memory changed.”

“Huh?” Asked Emmeline.

Lily turned to her. “My happy memory. I use a different one then I did before when I first was able to produce it two years ago.”

James interrupted, “I don’t think that would be it. My happy memory is different and my patronus hasn’t changed.”

Lily deflated, “Really? But, but when did you last conjure yours?”

“Over summer at home with my dad.”

“What’s the memory now?” She asked.

James reddened immediately, “Well finding out I made head boy actually. It may seem small but it was a big deal to me that Dumbledore picked me considering I hadn't been a prefect and there were other issues as well.” His eyes cut away to Sirius who was looking ahead not making eye contact with anyone. “What’s yours now?”

Lily went to lie but then thought better of it.  Her and James had come far from where their friendship began years ago.  She stared at him as she spoke, “The same actually. Well when I made head girl. It was like completing a long journey. Something I had wanted and worked towards for years.  When I got the letter I just read it over and over again.” Lily stared wistfully at James as she whispered, “Couldn’t believe I had actually done it.”

James smiled and nodded at her as they continued to stare at one another across the table.

Peter broke the moment and interrupted, “Well what did your patronus change to? What were you before again? A f…”

“I can’t really describe it, you know it was hard to tell…” Lily mumbled as she looked down at her plate, pushing around her peas.

That caught Sirius’ attention, “You couldn’t identify it? Blimey Evans, were you drunk when you cast it?”

James shook his head at Sirius before turning back to Lily and asked, “Really you don’t know what it was?” He and Remus both looked puzzled but when she looked at Sirius he was squinting at her.

Lily opened her bag, pulled out her potion’s book to hopefully signal that the discussion was over and then mumbled back to Sirius. “No, I wasn’t drunk. I was tutoring some third years in charms and I wanted them to be excited about things they would learn in the future so I showed my patronus and that’s when I saw it had changed. Haven’t cast it since end of last year. It caught me off guard is all. Really, it’s nice of everyone to help but it’s not a big thing. I’ve only been curious about it so was doing some reading in my spare time,” she rambled on and then glanced around the table as she gauged whether everyone would move on from the discussion now.

Emmeline interpreting her tone as concern replied, “There’s nothing unusual about a patronus changing. Completely normal. It doesn’t happen a lot but it definitely happens. Don’t let it bother you, alright?” She threw her arm around Lily and squeezed.

Lily smiled and nodded at her before glancing at James who was staring back at her. Sirius remained squinting.

\--

_1975_

McGonagall was right. They worked on the patronus for weeks and then weeks turned into months. It became a semester project for the classes and Lily was determined to get it. At that point no one had conjured a full patronus but there were several students who had managed to get small wisps from their wands which McGonagall promised was good progress. Lily was one of those students, James another.

Several students had taken to extra practice in the afternoons in the third-floor corridor below the divination rooms as there were no classes occupying them at that time.

That’s where Lily found herself now along with her classmates. She looked across the room at James. His eyes were closed and there was a small smile on his face then he opened his eyes and cast the charm. A larger stream of light came out than what he had been producing before. He was getting better.

Lily sat back down to think through more of her memories. She often tried receiving her letter into Hogwarts as her happy thought or the first time walking through the doors but they weren’t strong enough. She thought of times at school both Hogwarts and before, Christmases spent opening presents and eating too many sweets and trips down to France to see her mother’s family. She tried all of them with no success.

She saw James make his way over to her and then plopped down on the ground beside her.

“Any luck?” James asked.

“No, none at all,” she spoke dejectedly and rested her chin in her hand.

“What’s your memory?”

“I’ve tried different ones. What’s yours?”

James answered immediately, “When Sirius came to live at my house. It’s been like having a sibling and I’ve always wanted one. Nice not to be alone with just my parent’s. Mind you, we get into plenty of trouble and I reckon mum is always a few moments away from pulling her hair out but we make it through somehow.” He smiled.

Lily thought on that and how close James and Sirius were. It made sense and she was happy for James. It also made her realize that all of her happy memories were more on the surface. She needed to think of something much stronger.

“I should head back before Sirius blows a door off. Snog you later, Evans,” James laughed as he rose from the floor, threw her a wink and walked away.

She huffed and stood. Closed her eyes and thought deeply through her memories again. She would find the perfect one.

\--

_1980_

James continued to kiss her before finally pulling back. He brushed his fingers along her cheek and she kept her eyes closed. Inhaling him deeply. When she opened them, she found them misty and James noticed as well.

“Lily?” He spoke softly and continued to rub his finger along her cheek soothingly.

She smiled and kissed him again but he held her back. “No really, Lily. You’re upset. What is it?”

She shook her head. “No, not upset.” He started to interrupt but she stopped him. “Perhaps just a bit emotional.”

He smiled at her. “Why?”

“My patronus.”

He looked at her in confusion, “What about it?”

“It changed.”

\--

_1977_

“Show me.”

“No!”

“Yes, show me.”

“Sirius, I said no.”

“I can figure out what it is.”

She sighed as they bickered back and forth in the common room. James was sifting through notes for their potion exam as he sat on the sofa next to her.

She nudged James, “Can you control your friend?”

“No, sign of it so far.” He looked up at her smiling and she grinned back.  When she turned to Sirius she saw him squinting at her. She blushed and looked down again, shuffling through more notes.

“I’m just saying Evans, that if you would show me your patronus I could help you identify it. I know all sorts of animals even really odd ones that no one has heard of like a narwhale.”

James, Lily and Remus all stated, “There’s no such thing as a narwhale.” Then laughing Lily and James turned to each other. James cheeks went pink and he looked down at his notes.

“See! You’re both wrong. It’s not made up! Lives up around Russia and Canada. Has a long pointed…”

Remus pointed out, “Those aren’t close to one another.”

“I know that!” Sirius exclaimed.

“My patronus isn’t a narwhale.”

“Fine. Describe it to me. What does it look like?”

“Ugh!”

“Is it big, small, furry, scaly?”

“Ugh!”

“Come on, give me something to work with, Evans. Does it have...” Sirius paused and then stared intensely at Lily before quickly cutting his gaze to James and back to Lily again. “Does it have antlers?”

Remus and James both looked up at the same time. Lily continued to stare at Sirius not wanting to give him anything and knowing exactly why he was asking that question.

“No,” She responded and then again, “No, it doesn’t have antlers.”

James sat lower next to her and then nodded slightly. Remus stared at her questioningly and then looked back down as his book turning to the next page. Sirius sat back in his chair, placed his hands behind his head and squinted at her.

She could feel her cheeks begin to heat so she went back to her notes and began quizzing James. “What ingredients do you need and in what order should they be mixed to make Skele-Gro potion?”

\--

_1975_

It was the most incredible stag Lily had ever scene. Large and wide with 12 points and a thick mane of white fur at its neck. Its eyes were dark and she found she couldn’t look away from them. It was beautiful and it belonged to James. She broke her gaze and looked over at him as his friends were patting him on the back and calling him prongs. He held still holding his wand in the exact position so as not to lose it. Lily went over to congratulate him as well.

“Well done!” She exclaimed.

“Thanks. It’s all in the wand,” James boasted as he moved to lower his arm and the stag disappeared. “How about a congratulatory kiss?” James asked and then pointed to his cheek.

Lily made a disgruntled noise, turned on her heel and walked away. The boys laughing behind her.

\--

_1980_

“Really? It changed?” James got up and put their tea cups on the counter. “So, it’s not a…” Lily shook her head as she gazed up at him.  

He was silent for a moment and wouldn’t meet her gaze. Lily thought he looked a little glum.

Finally, James turned back to her and spoke, “Well there could be different reasons for why it changed. We have been married for a while now and that’s a big change so…anyway…well yeah…” he trailed off leaving the sentence unfinished as he looked out the window. He ran his fingers through his hair and down to his neck with his back to her before asking, “Did it go back to the…”

Lily shook her head again, “No, it’s something new. Do you want me to show you?”

\--

_1977_

“It’s a…”

“I know what it is…”

“It’s a…”

“James, I know what it is.”

“But…but…?”

Lily laughed, “I’ve wanted to show you for a while but I guess I was nervous. I imagined all sorts of different reactions but I’ll admit, rendering you speechless wasn’t one of them.” Lily looked down at her hands, having trouble looking at James now. “I suppose it also took me a bit of time of understand what it means. Well what it obviously means.”

“Lily.”

“I know.”

“Lily.”

“I know!”

“…”

“…”

“It’s a doe.”

“I know what it is James Potter.”

“Your patronus changed to a doe and my patronus is a…”

“I know what your patronus is!”

“And yours is now a doe.”

“Ugh…I shouldn’t have shown you.”

“Of course, you should have shown me! You should have shown me as soon as it changed. You’ve been looking into this for weeks! Weeks! Wasted!” He stared at her in awe when a large grin spread across his face.

She didn’t quite know what to make of his last word or the current grin on his face and he began to walk towards her.  “Wasted?” She asked confused. “How so?”

“Yeah, wasted time!” James came up close to her. He took her face in her hands and kissed her hard. Surprise took hold of her first before she began to kiss him back. “Just so we’re clear?” He murmured between slow kisses.

“Yeah?” She whispered.

“In the future…you have to alert me to any patronus changes.  Immediately!  If it changes it might mean you’re leaving me so I’ll have to make sure I have proper time to talk some sense into you or you know grovel at your feet.”

She laughed and kissed him softly, “Okay, I promise.”

\--

_1975_

It was the ocean. It was a sunny day and it was Petunia, her mother and her father all laughing happily as they walked the shoreline. Their feet in the sand as the waves brushed along their toes. Petunia looked up at her and held out her fingers for Lily to grab on to. Smiling as she looked up at the sun.

Every year that Lily went to Hogwarts her relationship became more strained with Petunia. More distant and less affection with each other. Gone were the days of their youth and happy times with one another sharing their dreams and secrets. This was the last trip they took as a family before her Hogwarts letter arrived. It was the last time she remembered Petunia not looking at her out of censure, jealousy or any other awful way.

Lily laughed as a small fox ran around her feet before scurrying across the room. It had a long bushy tail and a pointed nose. It ran between James’ legs and he let out a yelp. It was a happy little fox. Running amongst the students before jumping up and disappearing into the air.

Finally, she thought and smiled. She turned around and saw James in the corner looking at her admiringly. He nodded his head to her and mouthed, _well done_.

\--

_1980_

James sat stunned looking at it. He stared at it and then turned back to Lily. This went on several times. Opening and closing his mouth but never speaking. 

Lily took his hand from across the table and spoke softly, "So, what do you make of it?"

“It’s a…”

“I know what it is…”

“It’s a…”

“James, I know what it is.”

“Lily.”

“I know.”

“Lily!”

“I know!”

“It’s a fawn.”

She smiled back at him as he remained stunned. “Yes, it is. Is that okay? Are you okay?” She placed her hands on his chest, looking up at him.

James smiled at her and took her face in his hands then kissed her deeply before replying, “Oh dear.”


End file.
